Patience is a
virgin Patience is a
virgin
It's a fine
line between a gas and a liquid when you have the runs...So be careful!
The grass may
be greener on the other side...but it still needs mowing.
Murphy's Law
is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Whatever
happens to you, it will have previously happened to everyone you know, only more so.
Happiness:
The agreeable sensation of contemplating the misery of others.
Death is life's way of telling you you've
been fired.
The world is
coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
Hindsight is
an exact science.
An expert is
a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
Everybody
wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Things won't
get any better so you better get used to it.
Be different:
Conform.
A bore is
someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
If the odds
are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50
If all you
have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Mistakes are
often the stepping stones to utter failure.
Diplomacy is
the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
Acid: Better
living through chemistry.
There's no
future in time travel.
There has
been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
Passionate
hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
Always borrow
money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.
Children are
natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them differently.
The future
isn't what it used to be.
I want to
live forever or die in the attempt.
Love means
telling you why you're sorry.
Love your
enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
Sorry, but my
karma just ran over your dogma.
I refuse to
have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
Why be
difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
Perfect
paranoia is perfect awareness.
Better dead
than mellow.
If I follow
you home will you keep me?
A day without
fusion is like a day without sunshine.
There is no
gravity. The Earth sucks.
Bureaucrats
do not change the course of the ship of state. They merely adjust the compass.
The
difference between meat and fish is that if you beat your fish it dies.
It's better
to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have It.
You can get
more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
Don't think
of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's
really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
The number of
people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Drink wet
cement: Get Stoned.
Kite fliers
keep it up longer.
If you don't
know what you're doing, do it neatly.
An easily
understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth. You
have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
Eat a live
toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
Farmhands Feel Better
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Last update: May 07, 2011
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